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The next hour had us running through 4 more stores and weended the night having some frozen yogurt for dinner at the TCBY in themall. It had been a really fun night, well once I had gotten over myinitial anxieties and relaxed at least. As we were leaving the yogurtplace, Holly gave me a hug and invited me to her Halloween party at theend of the month. Jen had already been planning to go and I, as Robbie,had already declined. I had been living a disguise for so long and justwasn't in the Halloween spirit... I was planning to decline as Rebecca aswell, but Jen beat me to the punch and accepted for me, just telling herwe both will be there. I was too surprised to say anything, but justnodded and waved goodnight to her. The ride back home was in silence; Iwas trying to absorb just what Jen had gotten me into and Jen just let mesit there in my thoughts. Everyone at Holly's party I would know fromschool, I was really afraid Jen was getting me in way too deep way toosoon.We got back to. I wondered why was it wrong for a manto be effeminate if that was who he was. Why did I have to act a certainway to be considered a man. I know that my father and brothers weredisappointed in the fact that I did not act macho. I just wanted to beme and did not think that it is wrong for a man to be sensitive and intouch with his feelings.I guess I have been a quiet dreamer all of my life. I liked to enjoy thebeauty of roses and the other flowers in bloom. I loved to smell thefragrance of fresh cut grass. I enjoyed the gurgling of a water fall orthe babbling of a brook. Maybe this may make me seem like less of a man,compared to the macho males that were presently holding me captive. Idid not know if I wanted to be a girl either. I did not really believe Iwanted to live like a woman, but I did want to continue to do the thingsI loved to do. I just really wondered why mankind was really hung up onwhat constitutes a man and why if somebody did not follow thoseguidelines was it.
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